On a Mission (Statement)

Mission statements: I’ve never fully understood them. Surely they’re nothing more than a loud-mouth Yank invention, where hollow words are somehow a substitute for real substance. In a country where trays of nachos are bigger than Kosciuszko, the cars can drive through walls, and everything is bigger, better and ‘rocks’ more than anywhere else, no wonder there’s a fondness for stringing together the odd superlatives — “in the realms of superlatives the US commercial community is simply without parallel” — and where better to squeeze in a chocolate box full of hype than in your company’s Mission Statement. I mean, if venue was somehow annexed by Uncle Sam I can imagine our corporate philosophy would be processed and canned thus: “venue will systematically and unstintingly provide an unsurpassed and unequalled resource to the owners and operators of venues across our great nation. venue combines irreverence with unmatched industry knowledge. We will showcase the very cream of Australia’s venues and be pivotal in raising the standard of venue design and service.”

Hmm… [cue the sound of a honky tonk piano falling silent and the clang of the mission bell in an otherwise stony silence] … that’s actually not half bad — can I use that?